First Quarter Blurbs

A 223.5 pound deer was seen drinking from empty beer cans and wine bottles on shirt beach while fondeling itself.  Upon sighting the deer lept over the rocks in a single bound towards and past the softball field shortly after a game.  It appeared to go unoticed as players and fans alike chaulked the odd sight up to years of alcohol consumption.

Two players from OB Land were caught making love in the bushes and were immediately tossed from the game.

All bats have been approved and the new league rule has been a huge success thus far.  The new balls are also a great success, as run production and home run totals have remained equal to last years totals to this point.

D.U.I.'s are being given out like ectasy pills at a rave leaving the island after 11 p.m.  Watch your ass, seabass.

$800 worth of clay remains under a tarp behind the backstop, sweet!

The left field fence looks like an eightees porno.  Yep, you could rest a tea cup on it.

The last two items will need to be addressed over the all-star break.  A crew will be organized to revamp the aging field and bring it back to its pre-apocolypse glory.

NFL has come out on fire as usual, stemming from off season practice and the fear of being shut out of the in-crowd due to a slump or a bad error.  Very talented, these youngsters haven't lost much of their speed or ability to revover from an alcohol-induced coma with another year under their belt.

Galaxy has had early season problems with attendance and defense just like every year.  Much of their talent remains M.I.A.  The only thing lower than them right now (besides OB Land) is whale shit, whale shit sinks to the bottom.

The Barbarians have looked good, but not great, and are still working out some kinks.  They should be a contender once they load all their guns.

The Knights are as good as anyone on paper, but intensity and focus remain issues with this talented franchise.  Also the best looking team in the league.

The Brickyard has been woeful in the early going.  Much of their championship core remains, but much of the top-tier talent has been lost inside a bottle of Budweiser.  This team could make some noise if they can ever round into shape.

GEA is the biggest surprise of the first quarter and finally look like they have the talent to win a title.  Their ace, C. Pantano went down last week in one of the more gruesome injuries in the history of the NSL.  A broken jaw resulting from a collision with his catcher.  Still alot of "ifs" surrounding this team going forward.

The Gulls remain a "middle of the pack" squad as they look get on a win streak to make up some ground in the standings.  A winning season rests on their shortstops ailing hamstring.

OB Land is as advertised, winless and shameless.  Their coach and star infielder were caught touching private parts in just their second game of the year and were ejaculated from the game.

Standings

NFL                   6    -       0
BARB                3    -       2
GEA                  3    -       2
KNIGHTS         2    -       2
GULLS              1     -      2
BRICK              1     -      2
GALAXY          1     -      4
OB LAND         0     -      3

Barbarians vs. Brickyard tonight.

"Wait this is Bullshit"

The Nahant Men's Softball League graced the cover of Sports Illustrated late in the 1970's with the men of Frank and Sam's becoming celebrities literally overnight. The league fell on hard times until early 2K with the team formerly known as COD, formerly known as Collins, formerly known as Precision Motor Works, formerly known as PMW, formerly known as Piss Moan and Wine finally became the heel that the league needed to thrive. College and high school standouts, Three-sport athletes, Little League phenoms, professional athletes, convicts, alcoholics, schizophrenics, and government officials have all graced the Lowlands Diamond. A vehicle was driven through a roof, countless on and off the field incidents with local officials and law enforcement and at start of new decade we are at a crescendo, the league has expanded to 8 teams, these are their stories.

Game 4 - Champs

Leading two games to none, the Barbarians had the Galaxy's backs against the wall. In the case of the Nahant Softball the wall is orange construction fencing with lopped off chain link fence posts and noodles as top-padding. The Galaxy squad was looking to swing the momentum back, but were bombarded in the top of the first inning by some power heating from the visiting squad. The Barbarians erupted for eight runs on eight hits in the top of the first inning with the help of a three run shot by C. Capinigro. W. Geraci also went yard, putting the Galaxy in a deep hole.

The veteran Galaxy ball club came out in the bottom half of the frame looking to chip away and try to avoid the hole that the Barbarians dug for them becoming their grave. The top of the order broke out there cold chisel and mini sledge to put up two tallies with a solo home-run from N. Liston and a triple from K. Howard. Howard's blast bounced off the steel gate in right field and caromed back toward right center field. C. Lablanc the veteran umpire ruled the hit a triple. Howard would later score to bring the score to 8-2 after an inning of play. An uncharacteristic throwing error by Galaxy led to a three run top of two. Galaxy was blanked in the bottom with a one-two-three inning and looked gassed.

Galaxy dug deep, summoning the souls of past NSL greats on there way to blanking the Barbarians in the third and fourth innings with some stifling defense. Galaxy rattled off three runs in the third and two in the fourth, tightening up this battle at 10-7 at the end of the fourth inning.

The Barbarians, knowing they had to put the nail in the coffin took some time before the fifth inning for a trade-mark Barbarian battle cry to fire up the troops. A three run tater by C. Capanigro, his second of the game, and a two-run shot by T. Nacosia created some insurance for the Barbarians. Galaxy could only muster a single run in the bottom of the fifth due to some superb defense by the Barbarians infield, leaving the score at 16-8 with two to play.

Both teams failed to score in the sixth inning, although Galaxy once again threatened, only to be shut down again by key double plays by the veteran middle infielders from the Barbarians who were playing like they were half their age.

The Barbarians, amped up from the double plays erupted again in the top half of the seventh. A M. Pressman round tripper and a costly error by Galaxy left fielder N. Carmelingo left a five spot on the score board and a sour spot in the hearts of local fans.

Galaxy had the top of their order due up in the bottom of the final frame to try and put together one of the most monumental come-backs in sports history and extend the series. R. Madden started things off with a solo home-run to right that hugged the right field foul pole. Both Madden and the fans at the park were amazed at the 20-year veteran's opposite field pop.

Galaxy continued to threaten and had two on with two out. After a base hit to right, M. Muser decided to try and score from second. The veteran, nicknamed the mule, looked sluggish as he rounded third. A good throw to the plate resulted in a run down, which eventually ended in Muser being tagged out, ending the series.

The Barbarians, formerly known as the Italian Club finally captured the post season crown they had built their roster to get.

Game 3 - Blood Bath

Alcohol is an acquired taste, eventually the stronger more potent stuff ends up tasting the best. I can remember as a kid thinking how disgusting beer tasted, only to crave a cold sudsy just about every day of the week that ends in day. Bloody Marys were at one time beyond my realm of thought. There is a time when putting horse radish on food is a stretch for some people, but to drink it may seem ludicrous. However, just like with beer, most people come around. The whole frame of thought that believes drinking shouldn’t be done before noon is thrown out the window in the Bloody Mary world. Not only does the mixture of tomato juice, Worcester shire sauce, a ton of vodka, horse radish, salt and pepper, and a hint of lime taste great, it gives the common man a perfectly good, mainstream society-acceptable reason to consume copious amounts of alcohol before the noon church bells.

There are two reasons why they call them Bloody Mary’s, first it looks a lot like blood, second, your percentage of blood to alcohol is usually ten times the legal limit after a couple of stiff Bloody Marys. Its like the blood of the beast, it makes your face get all hot and creates a feeling of numbness in your lower body. In game three, the once dominant Galaxy ball club looked numb, as the their long road to the final looked like it finally caught up with them in what was a one sided affair. B. Serino, the ace of the Barbarian staff, was back after missing the first two championship tilts while in Seattle throwing fish to take the hill. The Barbarians tried to gain a stronghold on the 2010 Championship with a game three win. Serino spends time in the Northwest as a fish thrower, one of only three men in the continental United States with the ability to underhand a swordfish twenty plus feet (in Seattle, WA his right arm is considered some what of a mythical creature due to its shear strength resulting from years of unlimited arc, slow pitch softball).

Behind their veteran knuckle ball pitcher, the Barbarians were on fire from the opening bell, never giving Galaxy even a sniff of a lead. Galaxy came out flat at the plate and it spewed on to the field of play as their solid defense lacked confidence. The Barbarians defense came up big again, and their outfield played to their potential, finally getting acclimated to the new bats and associated ball flight. With a sound defensive curtain behind him, Serino let his defense play by peppering the strike zone. Barbarians slaughtered the Galaxy in the most lopsided contest of the 2009 playoffs, 18-1.

Game 2 - Pendulum Addendum

Momentum is a funny thing, you can't smell, or taste it, but one thing is for certain, it exists, and it can be so powerful that an ordinary, unprepared human being can be run over by it in the blink of an eye. In the second game of the Nahant Softball Championship, one of the two teams found themselves on the wrong side of that momentum pendulum.

A day after getting drubbed by a confident Galaxy squad who were aided by a triple-walled, spaceship grade, titanium wrecking stick, the Barbarians, with a shiny new battle axe of their own, took the field looking to avoid the third championship series sweep in as many years with a game two win.

Barbarian Headquarters was the site of a pre-game meeting to fire up the once dominant ballclub. Prior to the all-important game two, a pair of Barbarians were spotted leaving the headquarters to find registered sex offenders to adequately break in their new weapon prior to the game. No sex offenders were located, so a little Barbarian soft toss and a trip to Hit Zone would have to suffice. The Barbarians use a store-front cover up, ala The Green Spot in Revere, MA and their repeat three peat Revere softball Dynasty, to cover up their home base of evil.

Galaxy came out en-fuego in game 1 and would try to carry the momentum into the early innings of game 2. The fans and local politicians rejoiced after the game 1 win, as it looked like a Nahant squad would finally re-capture the trophy that had spent the last two years in Lynn. Locals knew the only thing worse than Lynn holding the title would be for a Swampscott team to follow suit. Swampscott; a town that has held the islanders down since new fishing regulations limiting catch sizes in the fifties, forced teenagers from Nahant to get a high school diploma, rather than scour the ocean floor for lobsters and sell their catch for a modest living.

The Galaxy’s time on the right side of the pendulum would be short lived as the king Barbarian pulled a shiny new battle axe from his back mounted holster.

P. Mignone saw his second start in two games begin much like the first. Galaxy rode the local wave to a quick lead with some crisp hitting from their veteran lineup. R. Moleti looked good in the early going, but tired quickly as the playoff innings piled up on the “experienced” righty. The Barbarian lineup was stacked on paper but the top of the order couldn’t produce at the outset of game 2. The bottom of the lineup however, came up big yet again; much like it did in the Knights series and kept this game close.

Leading by two runs, Galaxy looked to shut the door on the Barbarians in game two and put the series to bed. Some costly errors and stranded runners allowed the Barbarians to creep back into the game. The Barbarians would finally sip on the fruits of momentum as the game was tied going into the bottom of the seventh and final inning. After a pre-inning chest-thumping session by the Barbarians the meat of their order was due up and looked to lay down a hurting on Galaxy. R. Moleti got a quick out and it looked like we would see extra innings as the 3-4-5 Barbarian batsmen continued to struggle. How quickly the tide can change as C. Capanigro, M. Pressman, and A. Stone went back to back to back, each one seeing their hits leave the pitcher friendly confines of Lowland Field. The Barbarians took the game in epic fashion 12-6 in a very interesting game two.

Game 1 - Shit, They Were Hittin' Peas

There are many words that can describe a well hit baseball or softball. A scorcher refers to a sharply hit top spin grounder, a bomb, a towering deep home-run. The term rope would be synonymous to a hard line drive. A pea; that would describe a ball that was hit so incredibly fucking hard, that it looked like a pea to the naked human eye. A pea; the smallest of all vegetables, shot out of a canon.

In game 1 of the finals, the Galaxy lineup from top to bottom hit peas, to all fields, all-night, and caught a Barbarians squad with a hefty hangover still lingering from their epic semi-final series with the Knights of Columbus.

Galaxy cruised to an easy victory behind their solid hitting to take the all important game 1. The media and fans alike had been firmly on the Galaxy band wagon and the big win in the opening tilt, confirmed any speculation that Galaxy was going to be tired from taking the scenic route to the final series.

R. Moleti was his normal self on the mound, pitching out of some jams to get the win. P. Mignone got the start for the Barbarians, and struggled to get into a groove. B. Serino, the Barbarian's ace, showed up late due to a second gig as a fish thrower in Seattle. His flight was delayed. Roster issues marred the start of the finals, as K. Howard suited up for Galaxy after spending most of the year in Triple A honing his swing. In response, The Barbarians optioned J. Tracy off the 45-day Disabled List, where he spent most of the season. It was unclear whether or not either stand-out was eligible for the playoffs; however, both were granted eligibility by both league officials and the acting umpiring staff. K. Howard's presence was felt early with a tape-measure,two run home-run to the gap in right center that found Sandlot pitcher M. O'Briens makeshift residential dwelling on Short Beach. J. Tracy added some depth to the already stacked Barbarian outfield.

ASA 2004.

Words that will be remembered in 2010, as officiating dropped the ball on a bat rule put into place in the this past off season.

Fans and players heard murmurs of an illegal bat being utilized by Galaxy. Galaxy management claimed to have no knowledge of a bat rule or the origin of the so-called illegal bat. A Miken, that had not made the cut as a ASA 2004 certified bat, that would have made it legal for usage in the NSL.

The uproar was meek, as teams who had fallen to Galaxy knew all was lost for their season, regardless of how much they pissed, moaned, and whined.

Galaxy captured home field advantage with a game 1 win, the Barbarians did what any franchise would do in the situation, and had UPS overnight the same bat to Barbarian headquarters. Word on the street is that a former Barbarian was in close with UPS and pulled some strings(broke a leg) to get the bat on time.

Game 2 and three later this week............

Rainbow Snowcone Please

On a sunny, calm day, The Barbarians made there way down to the Lowlands Field to take on The Knights of Columbus in game three of the Semifinals, backpacked on their first ever, shut-out loss.

The Knights and P. O'Leary were riding high, after the Cy Young candidate blanked the best lineup in the league. B. Serino looked focused during pre-game, sticking to his game plan of mixing pitches and locations and letting his field play behind him.

The game got under way with the Knights in the top of the first, putting up a heart-renching, shut-out-thought-provoking-run via a J. Ragusa double and a A. Uzcetegui RBI single.

After a one-two-three inning which saw the Barbarians vaunted top-three go down on a line-out and a couple of hard hit grounders, visions of the trophy danced in the heads of Knights Nation.

However, the Barbarians had a bull on the mound, and B. Serino pitched through his own scoreless top inning.

The Barbarians finally came through with the game tying run, their first in nine innings. After a short huddle, some chest bumping, and some go-knad punches, The Barbarians put their stank faces on.

The Knights would score a pair to take a two run lead, only to see the bottom of the Barbarians lineup done do it to em' again. A momentum-killing four run inning would put the Barbarians out in front with J. Capiningro, D. Johnson, A. Bissenti, P. Harmon, I. Amar., and a one-legged, P. Mignone doing the killing for a change.

The Barbarians would rattle of three more insurance runs, a rally that was helped by a routine flare that scooted the boot on the Knight's short fielder.

O'Leary kept the Knights in the ballgame by starching the Barbarians all-stars who were quiet all series.

The Knights came up in the top of the seventh chasing four. P. Stubblefield started the inning with a seeing-eye single and was moved along by another Uzcetegui double. A. Merenghi, the saw-chopping first baseman of the Knights, drove in the two runs to creep back into the fire-fight.
After C. Carpenter legged out a double to sneak into scoring potion, Z. Taylor was poised to create a name for himself with the press and fans alike.

Taylor took a good look at B. Serino, taking a strike whilst knowing the emencity of the situation. Serino hung a curve and Taylor put a strike into it, sending a pea out to the gap in right-center. The crowd erupted as the Barbarian's outfielder W. Geraci looked to have misplayed the tailing liner. Geraci recovered in time to make a leap at the ball, partially knocking it into the air, before snagging it in the tip of his glove.

The play was an epic end to an epic series, clinching a Finals appearance for the Barbarians against the red-hot Galaxy. The Barbarians, after finishing a calm-collected second in the regular season see themselves where they thought they would be. Galaxy, after a roller-coaster season, buckled down in the playoffs to run the table, after a sixth place finish.