First Quarter Blurbs

A 223.5 pound deer was seen drinking from empty beer cans and wine bottles on shirt beach while fondeling itself.  Upon sighting the deer lept over the rocks in a single bound towards and past the softball field shortly after a game.  It appeared to go unoticed as players and fans alike chaulked the odd sight up to years of alcohol consumption.

Two players from OB Land were caught making love in the bushes and were immediately tossed from the game.

All bats have been approved and the new league rule has been a huge success thus far.  The new balls are also a great success, as run production and home run totals have remained equal to last years totals to this point.

D.U.I.'s are being given out like ectasy pills at a rave leaving the island after 11 p.m.  Watch your ass, seabass.

$800 worth of clay remains under a tarp behind the backstop, sweet!

The left field fence looks like an eightees porno.  Yep, you could rest a tea cup on it.

The last two items will need to be addressed over the all-star break.  A crew will be organized to revamp the aging field and bring it back to its pre-apocolypse glory.

NFL has come out on fire as usual, stemming from off season practice and the fear of being shut out of the in-crowd due to a slump or a bad error.  Very talented, these youngsters haven't lost much of their speed or ability to revover from an alcohol-induced coma with another year under their belt.

Galaxy has had early season problems with attendance and defense just like every year.  Much of their talent remains M.I.A.  The only thing lower than them right now (besides OB Land) is whale shit, whale shit sinks to the bottom.

The Barbarians have looked good, but not great, and are still working out some kinks.  They should be a contender once they load all their guns.

The Knights are as good as anyone on paper, but intensity and focus remain issues with this talented franchise.  Also the best looking team in the league.

The Brickyard has been woeful in the early going.  Much of their championship core remains, but much of the top-tier talent has been lost inside a bottle of Budweiser.  This team could make some noise if they can ever round into shape.

GEA is the biggest surprise of the first quarter and finally look like they have the talent to win a title.  Their ace, C. Pantano went down last week in one of the more gruesome injuries in the history of the NSL.  A broken jaw resulting from a collision with his catcher.  Still alot of "ifs" surrounding this team going forward.

The Gulls remain a "middle of the pack" squad as they look get on a win streak to make up some ground in the standings.  A winning season rests on their shortstops ailing hamstring.

OB Land is as advertised, winless and shameless.  Their coach and star infielder were caught touching private parts in just their second game of the year and were ejaculated from the game.

Standings

NFL                   6    -       0
BARB                3    -       2
GEA                  3    -       2
KNIGHTS         2    -       2
GULLS              1     -      2
BRICK              1     -      2
GALAXY          1     -      4
OB LAND         0     -      3

Barbarians vs. Brickyard tonight.