Reality

Softball? Really? Softball is for Girls.

I went up to the Middleton, MA batting cages last week to hone my already picturesque swing.  The same picturesque swing that is currently producing a zero game hit streak and a batting average that looks more like a bar tab.  Had my own bat in hand, took my wallet, cell phone, keys, pack of gum, business card, and straw wrapper and placed them on the token collector.  I was ready to mash.  "Dad, isn't softball for girls?"  I overheard a young boy say to his father in between my 3rd and 4th token.  "Come over here Timmy".  "Come over here Timmy?!" That is how you answer? C'mon Dad.  Tell Timmy how awesome I am.

I was literally tearing the yellow, potted, rubber covers off of those cantaloupes.  Peas, bombs, laser beams.  If only there were some Major League Softball scouts there.  As I finished my final token, and put my life back into my Khaki pockets, covered in sweat, dressed in a button down and loafers, I realize how big of a douche I am.

As I walk gingerly from the cage I hoped that, after putting Timmy in the baseball fast pitch as a twelve-year old, his father told him, "Yes Timmy, softball is for girls."