9 Guys Burgers and Fries

The Nahant Softball League is a microcosm of Life itself, nowhere else in the world will you find a more diverse group of people congregating at a single venue.

I don't mean United Nations diverse, I mean good ol' boy America diverse, if I wanted the former I can go to Market Basket on a Saturday. Its a shame, but I had to play both a one-pitch softball, and a beach volleyball tournament that day.

The average age in the NSL is around 32, with the oldest checking it at 50, and the youngest, 18, ironically both hailing from the same team, Galaxy. There is a 52 year old on the Brickyard roster, but he hasn't played in enough games to be eligible for the survey.

There are people from all walks of life and its amazing when you really think about what each person in the NSL brings to this fucked up world.

For example, the Knights of Columbus squad consists of players whom are hovering around the average age for the NSL, and their occupations couldn't be any more different, yet somehow in between the lines they get it done.

These people are all contributing to society in their own way. The Knights have a pizza delivery man dawning the mask behind the plate, and a cell phone salesman on the rubber. Their Designated Hitter is a Loan Officer. In the infield, they have an electrician manning the hot corner, a scientist at short, a part-time carpenter at second, and financial expert at first.

In the outfield they have a mentor roaming center, a full-time carpenter in right, and a male model out in left. The short field consists of a correctional officer, a part-time real estate professional, a lifeguard, and a yaucht club manager. Amazingly the unemployment rate for the Knight's softball club is currently at 0%, but that is very likely to change. Its amazing because three players just recently secured jobs, one after a three year and one after a two year hiatus.

The rain held off for a portion of friday night and the Knights squared off against Galaxy in the first game that has been played in a while. Unfortunetly, this group of nailbangers, soil sniffers, roast beef couriers, baby-sitters, and bull shitters from the Knights, couldn't get it done inside the rain soaked lines of the Lowlands Field against the veteran Galaxy team.

Winning the coin toss, the Knights opted to bat first, and seeing that Galaxy had only nine guys, it should have been an advantage.

J. Ragusa led off the game for the Knights with a laser-beam single to left. Ragusa tried to turn the sure single into a double, and got gunned down by "tis-himself", N. Liston, playing his first game in left. R. Moleti retired the next two batters to end the top half.

P. O'Leary, who has been dominant as of late on the hill, saw his first offering sail deep to right off M. Sipileti's bat, just hooking around Frank and Sam's Pole, the shallowest part of the park. Galaxy put on a base hitting clinic for the next four innings, scratching the scoreboard for at least a two spot in each inning.


The normally reserved Galaxy team starting heckling the Knights squad after building a big lead. The Knights, who were visibly frustrated by the taunts, and thier lack of hitting, made some costly throwing and fielding errors, aiding Galaxy in the blowout. R. Moleti used the high wind to his advantage, and got out of a few jams to hold the Knights team to only 5 hits. Galaxy and the Knights are all knotted up at 4-2, good for a tie in second in the standings.

NFL 5-1
GALAXY 4-2

KNIGHTS 4-2

BARBARIANS 3-1

BRICKYARD 3-2

GEA 2-4

GULLS 1-5

SANDBAR 0-5

Also of Note: In the previous two Sand Bar Pirate's games it was actually T. (formerly the fastest man on the planet) Collins who pitched, not M. O'Brien.

Call Me Teddy Ballgame

As the United States economy cruises along on a low, even plane, following a sharp decline which has led to people's retirement funds to disappear, including 401K and IRA plans. Some people who were lucky, or not so lucky enough, to own stock have seen there worth plummet. People have gotten laid off and now everybody is scared, i mean buying a coffee in the morning from Dunks makes you feel guilty. You could have bought a bag of Green Mountain Coffee, which is rumored to be used at Dunkin Donuts anyway, for $5.99. That six bucks could stretch to upwards of 15 cups of Green Mountain coffee if your really frugal, a far cry from the two and a half medium regulars you would have had at Dunks.

A typical morning for the average American is a microcosm of their entire life as we know it. However, I am by know means an economic expert, I live each day trying to keep my percentages up.

By percentages I mean things like my batting and fielding percentages, slugging and on-base, and daily percentages. Eligible daily percentages include:

angry about the economy/life/career/vehicle/relationships/money,
relaxed,
drunk,
sleeping/being incoherent and,
chores.

A job or other responsibility, including, weddings, funerals, wakes, graduations, cooking, cleaning, shopping, and family fall under chores, so this category isn't always a bad thing despite the conotation.

Girlfriends fall under family, and masturbation of any kind falls under relaxed.

Myself,as well as many Americans try to play these percentages throughout life as a day to day means of coping with existence. My percentage of relaxed, drunk, and sleep/being incoherent must outweigh the percentage of anger about the above mentioned shitiness, and chores.

These categories very rarely coexist, the tricky part of life is to make these categories coexist to sway the percentages in your favor. For instance you can't really sleep or be incoherent during a funeral, or at your daughters dance recital. Most of the time you can't be drunk at your job. You can however, be incoherent, if you try hard enough, while shopping, masturbate with your girlfriend, or be drunk at a wedding, you can definetely be drunk while playing all-star calibur softball. I am an expert at that.

The worst part of it all, the most horrible category, the thoughts and anger about
the economy/life/career/vehicle/relationships/money, can be done at any time, while doing anything. The key is to balance these percentages so in the end your batting at a .400 clip.


Definitions:
1. in-co-her-ent, adj. :unable to think or express one's thoughts in a clear or orderly manner.
2. mi-cro-cosm, noun: anything that is regarded as a world in miniature.

I'm a Friend of Earl

ALS is often called Lou Gehrig's disease after Lou Gehrig, a hall-of-fame baseball player for the New York Yankees who was diagnosed with ALS in the 1930s.

In short, and I mean really short because it is incomprehensible to believe that the average "joe the plumber" could fully understand what ALS actually is scientifically. ALS damages motor nuerons, little messengers that swim through your body, sending messages from the brain to the spinal chord, and from the spinal chord to the muscles. Crazy shit. The messengers become weak and eventually non-existent, to the point where the individual is in fact, "paralyzed". However, someone with ALS, even at an advanced stage, can still see, hear, smell, and feel touch. The nerves that carry feelings of hot, cold, pain, pressure, or even being tickled, are not affected by Lou Gehrig's disease. The parts of the brain that allow us to think, remember, and learn are also not affected by the disease.

According to the ALS Association, about half of all people with ALS live at least 3 years after they find out they have the disease, and 20% (or 1 in five) live 5 years or more. As many as 10% will survive more than 10 years.

The legendary Gary "Earl" Hanson, a native Nahanter, has been living with the disease for twelve years, and is a testament to the love of his family and wife Cindi Hanson. I have to call him Earl, because although I don't know him personally I know his spirit, he gives each of us reason to live every day as if it were our last. He has touched everyone in town with his strength, and his family has shown that unconditional love can go a long way.

Earl, a former lobsterman, is the embodiment of everything that is Nahant. A small island town that living in, can only be truly appreciated by those who do it, and is everything that mainlanders think that it is, and more, "Summer in Nahant, Some Aren't".
You can't help but to look forward to the "Friends of Earl" One-Pitch Softball Tournament, where "yocal-locals" serve up ice cold Bud Lights and Bud Heavies, and some char-broiled hot-dogs. The construction of the sign, with the generous people's names who donated, is an event in itself, and reminds everyone who passes by it that the Summer is here. Since Earl, generations have gone through the tournament, an off-shoot of the Nahant Softball League, as many current players consider it the All-Star Break. The premise is pretty simple, donate to great cause, showcase your softball, ball-busting, and socializing skills, all while consuming copious amounts of hot-dogs, hamburgers, soda, and Captain's Pizza, a local favorite. The best part of the day is picking out your "Friends of Earl" tee-shirt. Every year its a new twist on the same favorite shirt with the Earl logo. If your really cool, you'll be sporting a 2002 "Friends of Earl" shirt to prove your faith to the cause. Long sleevers, tees, tanks, sweatshirts, muscle tees. This year they may have "Friend of Earl" rain gear. Its always a toss up, but no matter which one you pick you know your money went to a good cause, for Earl.

Everything on Saturday June 27 will be for Earl, even that first morning shit, shower, and shave, as you prepare for a day on the island. Earl has become more of a symbol for island life, as Nahanters do it big, as many will plan an epic Saturday lasting well through the weekend, into the next week, and spill into the fourth of July. A town where, for years had local laws limiting the distance that pedestrian traffic needed to be from a firework launch site, often times aiming directly overhead to inhance the "scare factor". I know Earl can see and hear me when I give him a casual "Whats up Earl" every year before I take the field. I also know Earl likes hot dogs and budwieser. I have an incling that our boy Earl also likes to play softball.

So this year, with my Bud Heavy in one hand, baseball glove and hotdog in the other, with a 1999 "Friends of Earl" Muscle tank on, I'm gonna tell Earl that, "If the guy on the hill gives me the inside cheese, I'm gonna hit the furthest fucking home run he has ever seen."

Soggy

"Long as I remember, the rain been comin' down,

"Clouds of myst'ry pourin', confusion on the ground,

"Good men through the ages, tryin' to find the sun,

"And I wonder, still I wonder, who'll stop the rain."

-Creedence Clearwater Revival

Thursday's much anticipated matchup between the top two teams in the standings, NFL vs. Knights was cancelled do to inclement weather. Friday's matchup between the Barbarians and the Sand Bar Pirates looks like a wash as well. Batten down the hatches, its gonna be a while.

Standings

NFL 5-1

Knights 4-1
Barbarians 3-1

Galaxy 3-2

Brickyard 3-2
GEA 2-4

Gulls 1-5

Sand Bar 0-5

Jock Straps

I haven't thrown on a jock strap or a cup for quite some time. Not because I don't believe in jock straps and cups, but because I haven't been involved in an activity that requires me to do so. For a man to not believe in a jock strap, is like not believing in the use of his own penis, and that would be gay. Lets face it, nobody wants that. There are two types of cups that you can slip into your jock that I know of, the flat, triangle type, and the banana-rama. I played catcher throughout my short-lived baseball career and employed both types, and to be honest, I don't really have a preference, as long as my dick didn't get flattened. Both types performed adequaetely enough to prevent that from happening.


As far as I know, the jock can be worn alone, without underwear, or above the underwear, beneath the pants. A jock should never be worn over the pants, regardless of the situation.


The Barbarian's third baseman C. Capanigro had a major wardrobe malfunction prior to the game on Wednesday night. The malfunction was blamed on his trainer, who accidentily handed Capinigro his older brother's jock, a custom made, triple XL, that wouldn't fit snug enough under Capanigro's uniform. Hence, the jock had to be worn over the pants of the veteran third baseman who took it with a grain of salt.

B. Serino took to the rubber for the Barbarians facing off against D. Barile, who was brought out of the bullpen where he was a set-up man in 2008. Barile labored through a first inning where his defense was one step above inept. Barile has looked frustrated this year as his league high ERA has ballooned to near league record levels. The Barbarians took advantage of a soft defense and put up a two spot. Serino took the hill and was lights out from the get-go chasing his second Cy Young award in as many years. An error in the bottom led to a run scoring single by A. Zimbaldi. After a W. Geraci walk in the fourth C. Capinigro had no mobility issues stemming from the aformentioned wardrobe malfunction, and doubled in Geraci. G. Wattendorf led off the home half of the fourth with a solo shot to the gap in right-center. The Barbarians closed the door in the fourth with a four run rally capped by a RBI single by I. Imar. Serino used his knuckle ball to shut down the Gulls offense and glided to his third win of the season. C. Capinigro helped Serino out with an unassisted double play to end the game.

Scoring Summary:
Top of the First
Unknown - Barbarians with the help of three errors put up two runs.
Bottom of the First
J. Cronin reaches second on error
A. Zimbali single, J. Cronin scores
Top of the Fourth
W. Geraci Walk
C. Capanigro Doubles W. Geraci scores
Bottom of the Fourth
G. Wattendorf solo homerun
Top of the Fifth
M. Pressman reaches on error
E. Mcrina singles, Pressman to second
A. Bisenti doubles, M. Pressman scores, E. Mcrina to third
A. Stone doubles, E. Mcrina and A. Bisenti score
E. Imar singles, A. Stone scores

Standings

NFL 5-1
Knights 4-1

Barbarians 2-1
Galaxy 3-2
Brickyard 3-2

GEA 2-4
Gulls 1-4
Sand Bar 0-5

Also of note: T. "Scoopy" Lorenza has come full circle. Lorenza had hip surgery in 2006 and has been on the DL ever since. In a bold move, GEA has signed the veteran to lead the team and hopefully get them over the hump of a pretender, to a contender in 2009. Lorenza was signed to a one-year incentive-laden deal for the league minimum.

And: Final rosters are due by Friday June 19, 2009. No free-agent signings will be permitted after this date. Speak to the commissioner for details on roster submission.

Grand Theft Softball

Nahant locals are defined as agro. Agro is actually defined as "of or belonging to the fields or soil" and has been used to define locals of certain burrows as being aggresive and territorial. Locals in Nahant are all of these things. There is no visitor's center, and not a public parking spot past the Entering Nahant sign. Nahant is sometimes referred to as "Lynn Island", and very often when a Nahanter describes where they are from they say, "Nahant, you know, right next to Lynn". Its not that Nahant hates Lynn, Nahant hates everybody, it just so happens that Lynn is the closest bordering rival. Often times people from Lynn come to Nahant to borrow cans and bottles or maybe a bike or a car. However this usually is a bad idea, not only are the locals agro, but there is only one way in, and one way out. This mentality was on full display during the summer of 2007 when an unsuspecting foreigner (when I say foreigner I mean from another country, not city or town) came into Nahant to borrow a bike.

Originally written in May 2007:
An unidentified black man was seen riding on the handle bars of another unidentified man coming inbound on the Nahant Causway. A Nahant resident and firefighter saw the individual get dropped off at a Nahant home shortly after. The man proceeded to enter the garage at Nahant Road and grab a beautiful new ten-speed. Big mistake. As he peddled out of the drive-way with a smile on his face and a brand new bike, the Nahant resident started his chevy silverado and began his pursuit of the felon. The unidentified man had been down this road before, he knew what to do, peddle ,and peddle fast. Peddle is what the man did, and little did he know, in this town, it may have well been for his life. The Nahant resident jumped the curb in front of Captains, positioning his truck perfectly, and the felon t-boned the new ten-speed straight into the bed of the truck. Dazed and injured from the crash he took off on foot. He ran down Spring road as a crowd of 75-100 Nahanters screamed "get him, get him". An off duty State Police officer ran bare-footed and shirtless down Spring Road tackling and apprehending the mercenary. Bruised and beaten the felon cried out "But I only stole one bike!" Well, that ought to teach him.

Lynn however, has been known to come over to Nahant and steal a softball game or two, and even a title. The two-time defending champion Brickyard has made a living out of stealing softball games in Nahant over the past two years.

Brickyard, with their new ace on the bump, known only as Jim, was throwing his trademark high cheese, striking out four Galaxy batsmen on the night. R. Moleti struggled to find the strikezone, and walks coupled with some poor defense led to the eventual demise of Galaxy. The Galaxy lineup was puzzled at the plate and could only muster two runs on the night. The Brickyard strung hits together in the second, fourth, and fifth, each a three run inning. The Brickyard played some good defense behind their new ace and cruised to a 10-2 victory.

Standings (Updated)

NFL 5-1

Knights 4-1

Galaxy 3-1

Barbarians 2-1

Brickyard 2-2

GEA 2-4

Gulls 1-4

Sand Bar 0-5

Parity

The Merriam-Webster's Dictionary defines parity as a noun, the quality or state of being equal or equvilent.

When I say that there is parity in the NSL this year, I am speaking of the ability of almost (Sand Bar Pirates) any team to win on any given night. Many times in sports parity exists due to the teams in a given league are very evenly matched, whether it be because of a high or low competition level. Parity exists more this season than in any season in recent memory, and it is because of the elevated level of play, hitting, and most importantly, pitching.

The NSL utilizes one of the hardest cored softball that exists. This is clearly not because their is a lack of hitting, considering the NSL boasts some of the finest athletes to ever fail to become anything other than an unlimited arc slowpitch softball phenom. The key word in my previous sentence was "unlimited arc". The rules set forth circa 1927 in the NSL states, "a legal pitch is one that is released from the hand of the pitcher with contact with the rubber that is greater than six feet in height." So "unlimited arc" actually means "at least six feet of arc" This rule gives pitchers in the NSL the ability to throw a pitch as high as possible making it increasingly difficult to hit with every inch of arc. A 20 foot arcing pitch that hits the back of the mat is equivilent to a 95-mile-per-hour heater, on the top half, in baseball. There are very few leagues with this rule, most employing a 6'-12' arc, like most leagues in Lynn, or a modified where a pitcher can throw the ball as hard as he wants to a called strike zone without swinging his arm around 360 degrees, like in Marblehead. The former two methods make it easier for the hitter, making it more of an offensive game, often times rules are set in place to limit homeruns (example: every home run after three counts as an out, etc.) Pitching in the NSL has always taken precedent over hitting, and this year each of the eight teams in the NSL has quality pitching, giving each and every ballclub a chance to win on any given night. The implications are simple, the top three spots in the regular season standings are extremely valuable this season.

Thursday of last week marked the return of the Barbarians, who due to a rainout and a scheduling snafu, went over a week without a game. The Barbarians made quick work out of GEA, getting a much needed win after losing to NFL, and climbing above .500 on the season. GEA drops another, but have showed their trademark resiliency that they had in last years epic playoff run. The Barbarians still look like a favorite, and GEA will undoubtably make some noise come playoff time. Friday night of last week was a matchup of bitter rivals and comrades, The Knights vs. Galaxy. A gorgeous night was ruined by heavy rainfall the night before, and the game was canceled.

Games resumed monday with NFL looking to remain undefeated, taking on the surging and much improved GEA. With a comfortable 9-4 lead going into the top half of the seventh, J. Moleti and NFL looked like they were going to continue their win streak. GEA is in the midst of a season of "just misses", with all of their losses and wins coming in close games. This would not be any different. With nobody on trailing by three runs, C. Pantano stepped to the plate and sent a J. Moleti off speed pitch deep into the night, giving GEA the lead. GEA wasn't done, and rattled off a total of ten runs in the top half before NFL could get an out. Leading 14-9 C. Pantano shut the door on NFL's undefeated season. Parity is alive this season, as GEA proved once again, that on any given weeknight, no team is safe from a loss. GEA has come a long way from its humble beginnings in 2008. The following is an exerpt from a blog posted on April 10, 2008:

George's Expert AutoChris Pantano became the first player to ever be hit with a one-year suspension by the league. In the third game of 2007, the then first baseman for NFL, told umpire Chuck Sanphy, to suck a fart out of his ass, and that he was two-balled bitch. He will manage his own team, known only as a bunch of his buddies, including his shortstop, a "friend" from Salem, who played baseball in high school. Activities of GEA remain unknown.

Pool Sharks

The Parking Lot, which was one of the major draws to the NSL, giving players and fans a place to tailgate following a win, is a thing of the past. Some called it "the Lot", others, "The Sparking Spot". To many it was a safe haven where they could get all their fixes in before leaving the island and returning to reality after a hard fought game, win or lose. There were parties that lasted into the wee hours of week nights with music, booze, butts, and hackeysack. A nightly shotgunning of beers or two, recounts of the game, and countless games of elimination hackeysack. The days of the lot dwindled as the parties got bigger, the music got louder, and the women got younger. One thing led to another, a white buick's break line mysteriously went, it was then driven through the roof of a nearby garage, and the parking lot has been banished, and rightfully so, by Nahant's Finest.

The team formerly known as the Greensox have gone through four sponsors in four years due to lack of interest in the establishments of the sponsors and lewd and lecivious behavior inside their former sponsor's business', in some cases prompting abrubt sponsorship withdrawl. In their first year as a club, The Tides unknowingly offered sponsorship hoping it would be a boon for business and a marketing tool. What they got was seven to ten dirty, smelly dudes, fresh off of a twelve pack in the lot, demanding free pizza and beer. This sponsorship was short lived. The following year, under a different team name, The Kelly Greensox were born. Under the sponsorship of another of Nahant's bars, Kelley Greens. Again, twelve beers in the hole with short arms and deep pockets the new same old team was demanding beer and food for winning a softball game. This lasted about a game. The owner of the business took us all aside and told us that "there wasn't a place for loud mouth drunks who smelled like marijuana in his restaraunt." He was probably just in a bad mood, nonetheless, our sponsorship was revoked. The team formerly known as Tides, formerly known as Popo's, formerly known as Kelly Green Sox, were left with no choice but to seek private ownership, and I. Croal, the team's lawyer, stepped up to sponsor the ball club as the GreenSox. With little to do and no venue to attend for post-game activities the Green Sox gourged themselves on beer in what became known as the "Lot".

This sponsorship, or lack there of, was also short lived, because the police disagreed with having a parking lot as a sponsor. The car through the roof did'nt help either.

Games got under way on Monday, with a battle of two unbeated teams, NFL and Galaxy. A young vs. old ball game that was surprisingly one-sided. Galaxy was down a couple of players and only fielded nine guys. With no short-fielders, Galaxy was minced meat for a hungry NFL team. R. Moleti was saddled with his first loss of the season as NFL peppered the short-handed Galaxy for 25 runs, running their five game total to 99 runs. NFL remains the only unbeated team in the NSL. Galaxy who have lost players due to jobs, injuries, and other responsibilities have signed J. Lacorte off waivers. J. Lacorte, a former Greensox and Popo's player took two years off to follow his life-long dream as a hair dresser. J. Lacorte will make his debut on Friday against his former team, The Knights.


On Tuesday in a game that was nearly rained out, the last two winless squads did battle. The Gulls dispatched the Sand Bar Pirates in a blow-out, earning their first win of the young season. C. Gingle, nearly hit for the cycle, but a sure double in the top of the seventh was squandered by poor baserunning from B. Collins, who at times has looked lost on the base paths this year. Gingle tries to build his numbers after failing to live up to the preseason hype for the first four games.



Wednesday was a rematch of last years semifinal contest between the Knights and the Brickyard. The Brickyard had a new pitcher that they called to start against the tought Knights lineup. P. O'Leary, looking to take a stronghold on the wins and era race, took the hill for the Knights. The Knights big righty shut down the top three batters in the Brickyard lineup, inducing all three to ground right back to him. The Knights got on the board early, scoring two runs in the bottom half, with help from a J. Ragusa leadoff single and run. J. Ragusa was aquired in a trade that was made in 2006 with the Brickyard and Popo's. Popo's sent A. Gracile and J. Reynolds to the Brickyard for a box of balls and a player to be named later. The Knights defense was incredible on the night, leaving the game with only one error as a team, a marked improvement from the early season. P. O'Leary carried a no-no into the third inning. With the Knights in control at 3-0, J. Peterson Sr. came to the plate. Peterson smoked a single to right field. With ground balls and finally a clutch hit, the Brickyard moved the not-so-nimble Peterson around to score and break up the shut out. The Brickyard cut it to one, but the Knights stormed back out in front with a four run top of the sixth. Thats all P. O'Leary needed to lock up his league leading fourth win. The Knights have finally found a sponsor as lewd and lecivious as their team, the Knights of Colombus. Beers are a bit more expensive than a BYOB scenerio, but the venue is pissah. Views of Boston, an outdoor grill, and best of all, a pool table. The Knights club has not only become great at softball, but have added pool to their repertoire.

NFL 5-0

Knights 4-1

Galaxy 3-1

Brickyard 2-2

Barbarians 1-1

GEA 1-3

Gulls 1-4

Sand Bar 0-5

Moon Man

Steve Lyons, a former Red Sox utility man has the rare distinction of having played at all 9 positions on the field at the major league level. His fielding was sub par, and his hitting left much to be desired. He will never be remembered for his prowess on the field, he will be remembered for his craziness and one incident that made him infamous.

Lyons' colorful personality earned him the nickname "Psycho." He was known for such eccentricities as playing tic-tac-toe and hangman with his spikes in the infield dirt during games.

His most remembered incident occurred at Tiger Stadium in Detroit on a Monday night in 1990. In a televised game played on July 16, he created a stir that was replayed countless times. After sliding headfirst into first base to beat out a bunt hit, Lyons dropped his baseball pants to empty the dirt out and brush off his shirttail. After a few seconds (and a reaction from the crowd of over 14,000), he realized what he had just done and quickly pulled them up, humorously embarrassed. Although wearing sliding shorts under his White Sox uniform, this incident earned him another nickname, "Moon Man" Lyons. At the end of the inning, women in the stands waved dollar bills at him as he came to the dugout.

Despite some ominous cloud cover and pending rain, the Gulls vs. Knights game got underway as scheduled on Friday night.

The Gulls were still searching for answers and for their first win of the year; the Knights were looking to build an identity in yet another test for the new ball club. The Gulls utilized a five infielder, four outfielder approach, made popular by Galaxy in the late eighties. This approach can work brilliantly, as it did on many times where an up-the-middle base hit was stolen by the extra man. Other times, not so much. Bloop hits to right or to center field will almost always land for a hit, and did so on occasion on Friday night as well. As the saying goes, you live by the sword, and die by the sword. The Gulls died by the sword on Friday night.

P. O’Leary was on his game again and earned his league leading 3rd win of the young season. D. Barille, still hurling for the Gulls lost his fourth straight, and has yet to earn a win on the year. The weather was nasty, with a light rain and fifty degree temps. The cloud cover made it difficult for both teams’ outfielders, and it was far from an errorless game. The Knights built a 6-1 lead after four and were on cruise control. The Gulls came storming back, to cut the lead to 10-7 with one to play. The Knights came up big in the top half of the seventh, scoring four insurance runs.

With nobody on and two out The Knight’s left fielder B. Defelice came to the plate. Defelice had been hitting the ball well of late and like Steve Lyons is known more for his character than his prowess on the field. He is thought of as the spark plug of the Knights team. Small in stature, this man has the heart of an elephant. Swinging away on a 3-0 count Defelice hit a scorcher to the shortstop. C. Gingle scooped up the ground ball and fired to first. Defelice, never one to want to make the last out of a game motored down the line hoping to leg out an infield hit. Defelice and the ball appeared to arrive at first at precisely the same time. Defelice dove for first base into a head-first slide to extend himself.

As he hit the dirt, his body slid, his pants however, got caught in the wet dirt in front of the bag. His naked lower body propelled forward and he slithered over the base, dick out, ass up, like a snake over a speed bump. A collective sigh came over players and fans at the field as his stark white ass lay on the dirt. Like a worm, Defelice, using only his body to propel him into the air, simultaneously pulled his pants up as he came to his feet. Like Steve Lyons, Defelice is the only player in NSL history to expose himself on the field of play. The Knights closed out the Gulls in the bottom of the inning to win 14-7.

NFL 4-0

Galaxy 3-0

Knights 3-1

Brickyard 2-1

Barbarians 1-1

GEA 1-2

The Sand Bar 0-4

The Gulls 0-4

The Undefeated

Ah, the undeafeted season. The forbbiden fruit of the sports world. The last team to complete an undefeated regular season was the Barbarians, ironically it was only last year. However, no team in recent history has completed an undefeated season including the playoffs. It comes to a point, every season, for any given team, when the thought breaches the line between sub-consciousness and reality, that this could be the year. Only two teams remain undefeated in the NSL, Galaxy and NFL. Galaxy is not known for its first half play, usually coming out flat because of muscle aches and joint stiffness, but this year they have the winning attitude not seen since 2007 from this group. Galaxy has been riding the strong pitching of R. Moleti, some solid rookies who have helped shore up a porous defense, and the same big names with the big bats. Galaxy has cruised to a 3-0 record and will now face the upper echilon teams in the league, and all questions will soon be answered on whether or not this version of the Galaxy is for real.

NFL however is especially known for their torrid starts. Usually completing upwards of 150 practices and 25 scrimmages, and having more intercourse than some entire teams do in years in mere weeks, NFL usually comes out on fire. This year is no different. What seperates NFL's start from Galaxy is NFL's strength of schedule. Having to face arguably the two most talented ballclubs in the league in back-to-back weeks, NFL has racked up a 4-0 record.

Of these two squads, NFL looks like it has the best chance at an undefeated season.

Wednesday's game was a matchup of the first and last place teams in the NSL, NFL vs. The Sand Bar Pirates. The Pirates are on the complete opposite end of the softball spectrum, winless.

I must say, the Pirates (formerly Captains Seaside) have made some necessary changes and have improved mightily since 2008. (I do see The Sand Bar winning a game this year, but only one) L. Barletta was back on the hill for NFL, and was again flashing some Ginny Magic in place of J. Moleti who is serving a two game suspension for violating NFL's strict Alcohol Consumption Policy. (Moleti was caught spilling two beers in one night, failing to realize each Keystone Light costs a whopping $0.45 cutting in to precious team funding) L. Barletta used his off-speed stuff once again to chop down the depleted Sand Bar Lineup. M. O'Brien, pitching for the Pirates is visibly frustrated at a defense that is looking one step above inept in the field behind him. NFL secured their fourth win of the season with their walk-first, run-later philosophy.

On Thursday, the Brickyard and GEA put on a game for the ages, with four lead changes. C. Pantano was hurling for the GEA and the south-paw's split seamer was finding the plate all night. He mixed in a short change up to initially keep the Brickyard lineup off balance. GEA got on J. Peterson and the Brickyard early building a 3-1 lead, after being down 1-0. Brickyard came storming back courtesy of an A. Gracil 3-run opposite field tater. Some big hits and some untimely errors by the Brickyard defense allowed GEA to vault back into the lead with a seven run inning. A man known only as "Guppy", GEA's leadoff man took a J. Peterson meatball deep to right, not to be outdone, M. Strout, who has been raking for GEA, hit a two run shot of his own.

Brickyard closed the gap to one, with one inning to play. With two on Brickyard came up with the most clutch hit in the early season, scoring two to take the lead. J. Peterson closed the door in the bottom of the seventh for a 10-9 Brickyard win.

NFL 4-0

Galaxy 3-0

Knights 2-1

Brickyard 2-1

Barbarians 1-1

GEA 1-2

Sand Bar 0-3
Gulls 0-3

Batting Gloves are like Condoms

The age old question still beckons every man as he gets himself prepared for a night out, Is protection necessary tonight? Where you're going, and who you might be seeing plays a large role in whether or not your going to rumage through your everything drawer for that expired condom, or just save yourself the hassle. You can chalk up the chance sexual encounter as a pleasant surprise, or just utilize the "bail" method.

Some men and women live by condoms, fearing sexual diseases, or even worse, a kid. Others believe that getting gonerea is a small price to pay for the feeling of unprotected sex. The funny part is, most men would take a rash on their balls than have an unplanned baby in the oven. Women, not so much.

Buying condoms is similar to buying porn magazines. The most common, and supposedly easiest place to aquire these items is at a convinience store. This is actually strange to say because buying condoms or porn from a convinience store couldn't be any more inconvinient. First of all, the location of the porn is behind the counter, which means you have to stand in line with nothing in hand, perform a quick scan of the available smut, and quickly make a decision. "I'll take a pack of Marlborough Lites, and the latest issue of Eighteen and Horny". Luckily for you, the person in front of you is stalling with their reciept, and both her and the elderly woman behind you are utterly disgusted, because not only are you a smoker, you love filthy porn.

Condoms are very similar, except you can be alone in the contraseptives department and take your time to make a selection. Lubed, flavored, magnum, glow in the dark, endless shapes and sizes. Unfortunetly, due to convinience stores being horribly inconvinient, there aren't any self check-outs. You my friend, are on your way to the counter, econo-pack of protection in hand. You have no choice but to slap down your box of super-sized magnums down on the counter and pay the little Asian lady her 23 bucks for items you may never use.

Batting gloves are like condoms, some men and women live and die by them, others prefer the soft, subtle feel of the shaft of an aluminum bat in their hands. Batting gloves provide protection from the vibrations of the bat coming into contact with the ball and have nothing to do with reproduction control, although knowing some of the dick-slingers in the Nahant Softball League, it could be a contraseptive.

Batting gloves come in different shapes, sizes, colors, and brands, and much like condoms, it is rare that another man would ask to borrow your batting gloves. Condoms are usually a one-time use and discard, batting gloves however have a much longer shelf life and can be re-used. Much like a condom, if you were to try and squeeze into a pair that were to small, the reservoir tip or tips would be far to large, and you would be risking parenthood, or even worse, a strikeout. Due to the chance of stretching, it is uncommon to see players sharing their batting gloves. The reasons are endless as to why a man wouldn't borrow another man's condom.

The Gulls needed some added protection last thursday night, because NFL fucked them in the but; no rubber, no lube. Although the Gulls bats showed some added pop, many of thier hits were long outs, and found the gloves of the NFL's very talented outfield. L. Barletta took the hill for NFL and notched yet another win in his young career. Evidence to the fact that a backup pitcher is needed to have success in the NSL. Barletta kept the Gulls lineup off balance with some quality off speed junk. D. Barile was still the ace of the Gulls staff, but looked nothing like an ace, letting up over thirty runs in a monumental blow-out. Barile has started the season 0-3 and a pitching change could be in the works. NFL used it speed and got timely hits all night long to secure the lopsided win.

Strong storms cancelled one of the more intriguing matchups of the early season on Friday, and the Brickyard vs. Barbarians game will be rescheduled.

Monday Galaxy made another step back to prominence, with a 13-8 win over The Sand Bar Pirates. R. Moleti captured his 3rd win of the season and the 150th of his hall-of-fame career. M. Obrien and the Sand Bar Pirates lose another game in which bad defense and costly errors, coupled with weak hitting spelled disaster in the end. The Sand Bar Pirates remain competitive and winless.

Tuesday's tilt featured GEA and the Knights. The Knights welcomed J. Ragusa to the team, their big free-agent signing, playing in his first game of the year. Ragusa went 0-3, but showed a glimpse of his gold glove in left field. The Knights built a 7-0 lead after 3 innings of play, backed by an especially strong outing by P. O'Leary who struck out three. GEA came storming back in the fourth and fifth and closed the gap to two at 11-9 with and inning to play. C. Pantano looked sharp, striking out three Knights batters. Pantano continues to try to rebuild his reputation stemming from an incident with an umpire in 2007. The Knights held on in the final frame to put GEA away for the win.

NFL 3-0

Galaxy 3-0

Knights 2-1

Brickyard 1-1

Barbarians 1-1

GEA 1-2

Sand Bar 0-3

Gulls 0-3

The Day is Done

Since ripping the string from my favorite adidas sweat pants and nearly all other thread except for the teflon backing that once held the two together, my sweats have started to mysteriously disappear. My girlfriend and I call them "Judies", because more often than not you will find Kristin's mom in comfort wear, her name is Judy.

Aside from my "go-to's", nice, greyish-black, adidas sweatpants that I destroyed, I had some baggy-ass shits that Paul Pierce may sport, a pair of paint-stained nike's, and a nice pair of windpants. They've recently started disappearing at an alarming rate.

First, I murdered the adidas pair for its lace, and the others have vanished with out a trace. I started to believe that all my "Judies" were pissed and left, because I destroyed one of their own.

I've now had one of the worst days at work in a short while, did far less than a days quota of work, crediting dismantling the company printer and cleaning out the drums earlier in the week for my laziness, and the boss had a cunty attitude. Surprisingly, I didn't have an ounce of road rage on teh way home, probably because I knew I was going home to a pair of "Judies" and a bottom drawer full of Rolling Rocks.

I check the closet, every friggen drawer in the house, upstairs, downstairs, all the piles, the washer, the dryer; there are no fucking "Judies" anywhere! Khakis, jeans, shorts, underwear, pleated work pants (a pair of which I had on), yet no "Judies".

Its 48 degrees out, blowing thirty, and more raw than a freshly-slapped-ass. I'm angrier than a wild boar coming off a cocaine binge, and nearly give in to lounging around in my pleated Perry Ellis slacks when I see them. Long forgotten and under appreciated, initially mistaken for a blanket. Dark blue and baggy, like raver pants, and fleece. Quite possibly the ugliest pants known to man. However, what they lack aesthetically they make up for with supreme comfort.

I slip on these bad-ass "Judies" and crack my first of six Rolling Rocks and know, the day is done.