1st Annual (Co-written by Mike Kelleher)

July 17, 2007

Phillips Beach Extravaganza !In what turned out to be a very nice situation for men in Swampscott, the very rare occasion where there were more potatoes then steak on the plate.

Ryan "Ry-Guy" Mahoney was the only one not interested in steak, as he was enjoying lobsters like a true lobsterman out on his lobster boat. (Although he did have a sexy young blonde on his boat and in his own words "I'm gonna take her for a ride, if you know what I mean". He was'nt seen again.Again I have to stress that for an outing involving 70 people give or take, this is called the inverse ratio. When there are more girls then guys, not one girl considered ugly by the very accurate "Justin Stevens-O-Meter". Who god dam'nt, sure is a sharp looking fella.

Despite there being small clicks as far as lawn chair placement goes, there were no "mean girls", or guys for that matter. Everyone was very close and in some wild moods. Everyone was involved in all sorts of different games from the search and rescue to the volleyball tourney. Not to mention Polish horse shoes which sucks.The search and rescue was a horse race, Jaeger was the second to return to the beach but had trouble drinking the foamed beer, Jay Blydell might have been the last to return after Mikey Kelleher threw Blydell's beer out of reach. Kelleher may have spanked it to Baywatch a few to many times and used a text book "Mitch Buhcanon" stride, beating everyone back to the beach. Upon return Mike had trouble opening the can due to some pregame cheating by whoever threw the beer with the cap turned 180 degrees. In the end though, the loser would be Marc Galardi who was inched out by Jaeger due to some squeezing of the can tactics. Galardi who was the first to reach land, could not stomach the beer because of a bout with diareah. He served his punishment and was "beer dragoned" by all those who played. He gets an A for being a good sport. (Beer Dragon: Spitting your beer on an oponent in a projectile vomit fashion)

The talent was incredible and as the day went on the talent pool expanded, much to the delight of all the proffesional volleyball players on hand for the tourney. Many fans in attendence upon arrival proclaimed that this could be "the best day of their lives." For many, it was.The volleyball tourney featured a lot of big names, but out of at least 22 games played by about 19 different teams of 5, only 3 teams had a win.

The first consisted of Dan O' Conner, Pat O' leary, John Lacorte, Justin Fucile, and Zack Taylor. This team came out firing representing the net they were nice enough to bring, large and in charge. They won the first game in deciding fashion and were feeling great about the little vaction they booked. Quickly though their heads began to get into vacation mode, waiting for the next game you could see them riding the waves, yelling, "spring break!", in the water. There were even a few high fives and talks of renting jet skis. Either they had a little bit of sun stroke or they truly believed that getting off the island was enough to earn some serious frequent flyer miles. In their second game, they were more worried about check out times, riding with the dolphins, and drinking mai tais then playing the jaugernaut consisting of Looby, Kevin Kelleher, Jake Pelliter, Jacob Lemlie, and Jeff Pratt. This team was on top of its game, winning the next 8 games, as Lexi Dwyer, Brenna Dejoy, and crew drueled over their bumps, sets, and spikes. One of them even used the word dreamy, made popular in Greece in the 1960s.

After Haley Paster fainted when Loobey gave a victory flex after his patent tomahawk spike, the officials were forced to hose down all the girls present to cool them off anytime a tricep was seen popping out on either side. The juggernaut beat the Vacationers and went on to win another 7 leading up to the showdown.The showdown of the day was when this juggernaut ran into district 16 rivals Beatrice, Kane, Mikey K, Blydell, and Eric Fields. Coming out to God Bless the Broken Road by Rascall Flatts, everyone started to shake. This team meant business like Taylor Hicks at a Ford Dealership. They were bumping like a pissed off driver at rush hour on Lynn Shore Drive just wishing they could push every car out of the way. They were setting like Blydell setting the pace to end up the first to go blind from a beach party..and they were spiking like Dan O'Connor does in every girls cup at Rockafellas.

After 9 straight victories everyone called it a day thinking it was 4, when it fact it was 7 o clock.

This will forever be known as the greatest beach party Swampscott has ever seen. Can it be topped...of course. But has it been...No, at least not yet!!!