Dick Measuring Contest

The season is underway, two games were completed, including an 11-4 upset of the defending champion and a 12-3 drubbing of a new ballclub.

In Friday Night Lights action, NFL squared off against the Two-Time Defending Champion Brickyard. NFL fresh off a long spring training which included a trip down to Fort Meyers, a stop in Mexico (for Perfomance Enhancing Drugs), and several would be baby mommas. NFL looked for redemtion in a rematch of last year's Final.

Brickyard has spent the off-season in true form, once again consuming enough alcohol for a small village, and leaving imprints in the couch cushions.

NFL came out on-fire, ripping J. Peterson for four runs in the first, and never looking back. For those of you who don't know, Bobby Brown plays center field for the NFL. After various charges including an arrest for beating his lovely wife Whitney and other drug and weapons related charges B. Brown has finally found a home in the NSL, where convicts, addicts, and delinquents are never shunned, but welcomed with open-arms. Yes, the cops give us guff, but if you ask me they should be thanking us for removing upwards of 30 crazies off the street and make sure they conduct all their lewd and lecivious behavior in one area.

Guys like Bobby Brown. In 1995, Brown was arrested after a brawl in a Disney World nightclub, in which a patron who allegedly made a pass at a woman in Brown's party had his ear at least partially torn off. (Charges were later dropped when Brown settled out of court.) Several months later, Brown was charged with battery in Los Angeles after allegedly kicking a hotel security guard who tried to halt a party in Brown's room (he was sentenced to two years' probation). The same year, Brown checked himself into the Betty Ford Clinic to battle drug and alcohol problems. However, in August 1996, he wrecked Houston's leased Porsche while speeding in Florida; reportedly, his blood-alcohol level was twice the legal limit. In the midst of all this chaos, Brown found time to hone the craft that he loves, slow pitch (unlimited arc) Softball.

NFL gathered behind their pitcher, J. Moleti, and played their scrappy brand of ball to notch a redemtion win over the Brickyard. For the NFL squad, Bobby Brown took J. Peterson deep for his first bomb of the year, and played great defense in center, considering he spent time at Betty Ford. C. Allesi also went yard for the NFL, who move to 1-0, and into first place. The Brickyard, slowed by a winter's worth of 30-packs, couldn't dust off their dicks in time, and fall to 0-1.

Monday marked the opening game for a new franchise, The Knights. The Knights welcomed the Barbarians to town and looked to get thier first win. A sloppy game, ended 12-4 with the Barbarians continuing their regular-season dominance over the NSL. B. Serino was back on the hill for the Barbarians and was lights out, carrying a no-hitter into the third frame. The defense never really showed up for the Knights, who couldn't come through for there Ace, P. O'Leary. The Barbarians offense was slow to get going, but fired on all cylinders towards the end of the game, with taters from M. Pressman, and C. MacCarriston, who's bomb left the stadium. The Barbarians remain udefeated in the regular season, and the Knights fall to a tie at 0-1 in the basement with the Brickyard.

Also of Note: The Knights team, with the "no-open container rule" in affect, actually gathered at their sponsor's venue. It was nearing the end of the night, and after countless games of pool, some of the Knights players hadn't quite had their fill of competion. The Latino Bambino and Danny O. argued fervolously about who had bigger cocks, South Americans or North Americans. With the Bartender at the Knights as the judge, the competion was on. U-U-U-USA, was chanted as the competition began. Both men came in at 4.2 inches, well under the human average and it looked like it could be deemed a tie. Upon further review, the bartender noticed the rare,and often found on South Americans, tip-of-the-dick pubic hair. The hair, considered by the judge to be part of the dick, propelled the Latino Bambino to victory.

Tonight: Galaxy vs. Gulls, 6pm