Player News

4-10-2008

Galaxy
Greg "Brother of Dave" Racki had a career year in 2007 and his contract option for 2008 was picked up due to the loss of the more highly skilled Dave "Brother of Greg" Racki, who has relocated to San Francisco. He will now have the weight of an entire family on his shoulders. It is also rumored that Galaxy has picked up two free agents, Johnny White, and Marty "The Mule" Muser. Also, another O'Connor(just what the league needs) will be added as another lefty power hitter with Howard blood.

Greensox
With the losses of Bart Bennet, Joe Glowacki, and Mike "Party Boy" O'Brien, the Greensox were able to sign some young talent to fill their roster. Andres "The Spanish Masher" Uztegi who left the K of C due to a contract dispute was signed and should add some pop to the middle of the lineup. The disgruntled veteran Anthony "Lizard" Alessi, will try to leave his substance abuse issues in the past and play some outfield. Alessi came into camp at 6'1" and weighing 93 and one half pounds. Andrew Merengi, cousin of team owner Ian Croall was signed, and Ben Smith now the youngest of the sox will fill in the final void. With the departure of O'Brien the Sox must groom a new backup pitcher for the fragile veteran O'Leary, and current possibilities are Chris "Farley" Turner, and well, it doesn't look good if O'Leary goes down. The Greensox have held two team meetings (each ended with players disappearing for an entire weekend), and a brief throw-around with three members of the team.

Brickyard
There hasn't been a lot of news or transactions from the Brickyard camp as their shady owners try to cover up last year's HGH scandal. Rumors have Tony Ragusa retiring and handing the reigns over to last year's playoff MVP, pitcher John Peterson. Members of the team were seen picketing outside of the Brickyard with owner Rocky, when new laws made the establishment close one hour earlier.

Barbarians
The Barbarians got younger in the off-season and signed a notorious Nahanter, Chris Blydell. Jeff Blydell was known to make little leaguers field line drives gloveless, so Chris will no doubt add toughness to an already disgruntled group of Neanderthals. Tyler "ten-ants" Tenant was also brought up to the club and will help finance player incentives. The squad held a group practice on Wednesday and only their manager and his son showed up, showing FUDA's from an off-season's worth of Italian cooking.

The Screaming Seagulls
The Screaming Knights of Columbus have kept many of their players from last year's squad, except of course Joe Cali, who will be sorely missed by the league and fans alike. According to management the team wants to be more focused at winning ball games. Managers will limit playing time for lesser players, and hold mandatory batting cage practices. The first of these practices was held yesterday and the machine at Middleton struck out the side.

NFL
The Greensox Triple-A affiliate has finally made it to the big leagues, and has held over 20 practices this spring. Team NFL will bring back the same stingy roster, including lights out pitcher Jim "the other moleti" Moleti, and the fastest man on earth, Tim Collins. They will also be sporting new uniforms that look exactly like the Yankees, and we all know what they do.

Captain's Seaside
Seaside held their first practice as a team yesterday and is going to try and not be the second team in Nahant Softball history to finish the season winless. (The Popo's team of 2005 failed to win a game) The Seaside team is backed by a wealthy owner who can provide subs, beer, and Performance Enhancing Drugs, so they have a shot. Also Mike "Party Boy" O'Brien will pitch for the Seaside Submarines, and was dominant at times last year in relief. The rest of the roster has not been confirmed, but includes:
Bart "the fart" Bennet
Justin "Poodin" Bennet
Steve Viviano
Brian "Defa" Defelice
Bobby "boob" Unknown
Vlad "Pepperoni Nipples" Arkensyian
Joe Glowacki
Mike "Party Boy" O'Brien
"Poodin"'s buddy
Nick "Nikolai" Mattera

George's Expert Auto
Chris Pantano became the first player to ever be hit with a one-year suspension by the league. In the third game of 2007, the then first baseman for NFL, told umpire Chuck Sanphy, to suck a fart out of his ass, and that he was two-balled bitch. He will manage his own team, known only as a bunch of his buddies, including his shortstop, a "friend" from Salem, who played baseball in high school. Activities of GEA remain unknown.

Also of Note: FUDA: a Fat Upper Dick Area.