Off-Season News

January 11, 2008

With roughly only 4 months till the start of the 2008 season the blog will be up an running with more frequency. Although all off-season news has not been released to the press, the following are some general statements and happenings around the league.

League News:
Rick Moleti will still man the post as Commissioner. He has not commented on whether or not he will ban performance enhancing drugs or require any testing in 2008 on the wake of the Clemen's scandal. Wigs have been officially outlawed from league play. The left field fence has been destroyed by a series of snow storms and a team will be constructed to create a fundraiser and ultimately build a new fence. No news on a scoreboard but league officials are planning on building a new one or negotiating a deal with Budwieser. Rules Commitee meetings have come to a stand still but will resume in Febuary and March up to the free agent and waiver deadline.

BRICKYARD
14-2---Champions--------------The Brickyard brought their over-sized, street-grade, push-broom to the playoffs in 2007 sweeping both of the teams they faced. The off-season for the defending champs has been one of relaxation, knowing that their core nucleus, one that let up the fewest runs in 2007, will be back. Beer drinking and diaper changing have been prevalent in their off-season training. The big question marks are Ragusa Sr.'s recovery from Tommy-John Surgery and the return of Pete "For Pete's Sake" Feely.

BARBARIANS
11-6-----------------The Barbarians were the runner-up in 2007, getting swept by the "Yard" in three. The team is looking for a pitcher in the off-season to compliment Bobby "Serip" Serino on the hill, who has an aging arm. Matt "Meet-The-Press" Pressman looks to build on his break-out year. No new signings of note. The Barbarians come in to 2008 with high hopes and some quickly improving young talent coupled with some scrappy veterans. The Barbarians have fashioned a bat from scratch that resembles a club for both pummelling their wives and girlfriends and to warm up with.

GALAXY
11-6-----------------The Galaxy team faded down the stretch run, much different from 2006 where they ran the table right to the championship. An aging team of veterans look to come back strong in 2008 after some on and off field problems caused some players on the squad to lose focus. Galaxy has used the Howard's sperm, water from the Nahant sewage treatment plant, two hairs from Rick Moleti's mustache, and a bead of the "Can Man's" sweat to spawn a super softballer to bat lead-off.

GREENSOX
10-8-----------------The Kelly Green Sox, contrary to recent rumors, will be back in action in 2008. Their starting pitcher Pat "Mary" O'Leary got off-season shoulder surgery and is still recovering. This squad had a strong overall showing in 2007 amid chaos in the locker room stemming from Drug use that players deny, saying it was B-12 and Lidocaine. The Greensox completed the only major signing of note thus-far in the off-season. The Sox have signed the highly sought after free-agent Andreas Uzeatugi to a long term deal that includes a proffesional massuese (Bart Bennet). The oft-injured Danny "HOLLYWOOD" Walsh will be back on the roster, and it is rumored he got a huge green sock tattooed on his back.

NFL
9-9-----------------Rumors have begun of an overhaul with this young, up-and-coming squad starting with the signing of one of the Kane brothers of Swampscott to a one-year, thirty pack-per game deal. The young Moleti will be back on the hill looking for his first winning season. Youth is still on NFL's side in this league and the team is holding mandatory workouts at Gold's Gym followed by drinking beer in the woods. The team has also dug an underground tunnel with a tube connected to the Barletta's wine barrels so they can drink it from the parking lot.

KNIGHTS OF COLOMBUS
5-13-----------------The Knights of Columbus are at a cross-roads, and a management change could be in the works. Unhappy with the team's current direction, pitcher Mike Kelleher has taken over as manager for this disgruntled team. A quality team who performed below expectations in 2007, looks to add some fresh faces to their potent line-up and continue to compete in 2008. The Knight's socio-pathic pitcher Mike Kelleher has grown his hair out and dyed it black in retaliation to the "no-wig" rule. Mike "The Lumber Jack" Morrison and Joe Callegero have petitioned the league for rule changes. The first involving using a tree for a bat and the other to allow bunting and bringing strippers to games to distract the opposing teams.

TIDES
1-16-----------------The Tides are looking for a team manager, GM, and players as nobody has heard from their former estranged coach, Tommy King. A band of misfits in 2007, most of these players hoped to play good enough to earn a long term contract on another team. One thing is certain; Vlad "Pepperoni Nipples" Aleksanyan will be back after winning the sportsmanship award in 2007. Anthony Alessi has been living in the locker at the field and growing dreadlocks, waiting to be signed by a new team.